Emotional Regulation- Why Self Care is Essential Not Selfish
Let’s Discuss the Self Regulation System
The Emotional Regulation System helps you to become more in control of your emotions. Emotional weather, triggers and having things in your tool box to be able to respond and react to the vicious cycle and big emotions. By recognising and acknowledging our feelings we are stopping it before it gets to fight of flight mode.
Practicing Self Love means learning how to trust ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect, and to be kind and affectionate towards ourselves. The idea of self love and self acceptance was, and still is revolutionary. Let’s have a look at how self care works, and how essential it is by imagiing that it is 3 islands.
In Control Island
On this island you feel completely in control, you feel like you can achieve whatever you want to achieve, you know what you want, what your goals are and how to achieve them. You even want to create more goals. On this island you are the most motivated version of yourself. You feel mentally healthy and absolutely fine. You may be sleeping well, eating well, managing to exercise and getting your to do list done.
The problem is it isn’t very sustainable. You aren’t able to stay on the IN CONTROL island all the time, and continue to achieve and stay motivated. We always want to strive for more. Overtime things start to get unrealistic.
When you can feel your cup filling up to about half way, that’s when you then spill over into the next island, if we don’t notice and recognise our triggers, we might feel really tired, emotional, irritable, but instead of acting on these feelings we ignore them. This is when we allow ourselves to drift out to sea where we find ourselves on the OUT OF CONTROL island.
Out of Control Island
This is when you feel a threat to your survival, and cortisone starts to kick in, for example our fight or flight mode is switched on. We feel highly stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. We might not be able to think straight and even the simplest of tasks become to much to complete. We have ignored all of our bodies' signs telling us to slow down and take some time.
We then are not achieving goals and have a constant fear of failing. A feeling of panic. Our inner critic is really loud on this island and we ruminate and put ourselves down. We can get back in control but it needs more long term solutions to get into In Control again. Counseling, time off sick from work, medication etc.
However, if we had listened to our bodies cues and triggers that we were becoming stressed and overwhelmed eg: sore back, headache, loss of appetite, a bit snappier with the kids or a colleague at work (everyones will be different) then we can simply hop over to Emotional Regulation Island.
Emotional Regulation Island
On this island we accept that we don’t need to be in control. We slow down on this island and take it easy. We ask ourselves, What will make me feel less stressed? Then we put this into action by practicing self care.
Notice how close this Island is to the In Control Island, just a few stones away, which is why we can hop back and forth as and when we need it.
Hopefully this has demonstrated how important to recognise your triggers early and to check in with yourself. Knowledge is power and not ignoring our emotions and feelings. Plus practicing our self care regularly is so important. Ideally you’d hop over into ER island at least once a day. Some days you might chill there for the whole of the day. But sometimes all it’ll take is 5 minutes on the ER island and then we feel grounded and readed to hop back onto the IN CONTROL island.
Things to remember:
Take a step back.
Be kind to yourself.
Stop comparing your journey to others.
Surround yourself with people that uplift you.
Learn to accept compliments, however small.
Accept imperfections and allow yourself to make mistakes.
Accept that we can’t stay in control all of our lives, or even for the whole of the day. We need time to reset and rest.
Self care is essential, just like eating, drinking and exercise.
Self Care Quick List:
-Roll your shoulders, and relax them
- Three deep breathes
- List top 3 priorities
- Ask for help
Self Care 5/ 10 Minutes:
Sit with a cup of tea/ coffee/ drink
5/ 10 minutes mindfulness
Go for a brisk walk
Read a book for 5 minutes
Sit with your feet up for 5 minutes
Text a friend
Go outside and feel the sun/ wind/ rain on your face
Self Care 1 Hour or More:
Bath
Long walk
Chat to a friend
Gardening
Yoga session
Counselling
Getting outside in nature all day
Having an early night
Exercise class
Meet up with a friend
Watch a comedy show