Single Parents Tell Us What It’s Like To Have Anxiety And Their Top Tips
Anxiety disorders and depression compete for being the number one health problem in western society. 10% of the population have suffered from panic attacks, phobias or anxiety disorders in the past year.
Single mothers are more likely to experience poor mental health than those with a partner, and the main causes associated with this are the financial hardships as well as a lack of social support.
For people with an anxiety disorder, feelings like stress, panic, worry are longer lasting, more extreme and far harder to control. Symptoms may also include feeling restless, or agitated, panic attacks, having trouble concentrating or sleeping, sweating, shortness of breath, dizziness and heart palpitations.
SPW member describes her anxiety as:
“Woozy swimming, discombobulated feeling, a blur”
SPW Member:
“When I have a bad anxiety attack I can’t speak or if I do it doesnt sound like it's supposed to. I can’t think straight and my mouth goes dry, and my hands and body start to sweat.”
SPW Member:
“Everything feels like a blur and body goes into kind of overwhelming mode.”
Lots of people who suffer with anxiety see themselves as part of the anxiety “I’m just an anxious person” allowing it to define themselves. But you are not your anxiety. It is a normal stress response because your brain has recognised a threat. But there are techniques to manage anxiety.
The Human Givens Model Teaches The AWARE Technique For Anxiety
This technique is first accepting your anxiety in order to reduce it. Rather than fighting with it which will stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, and release even more stress hormones, known as the fight or flight response.
Accept the Anxiety- Make the decision to be with the experience rather than fight it. You can replace the frustration, anger etc with acceptance and compassion.
Watch your Anxiety- Observe your anxiety without judgment of it being good or bad. Try and move into your observing self and be detached from it. You make like to give your anxiety a name. Rate the anxiety from 1-10 noticing if it is going up or down.
Act With Your Anxiety- Sit with your anxiety, and carry on with what you intended to do. Focus on your breath and breathing normally, in a relaxed way. If you run from the situation, in the moment your anxiety will come down, but your future anxiety will go up.
Repeat the Steps- Continue accepting the anxiety, watching it and acting with it until you feel it is at a comfortable level.
Expect the Best- Surprise yourself the next time you have anxiety by the effective steps you put in, both in the moment and proactive steps to manage anxiety.
Things You Can Do To In The Moment With Anxiety
The thing that you always have with you is your breath, so to calm down your sympathetic nervous system, you can focus on your breath and breathe out for longer than you breathe in. Slowly increasing the outward breathe and filling your breathe into your belly. It’s so simple and it’s the best thing that you can do in the moment to lower your emotional arousal.
Our SPW Members added:
“I have really bad anxiety but I hide it well, I’ve only recently started being ok with going out alone but I need to have my headphones in my ears for music or to be able to speak to someone on the phone. Music will always be my saviour.”
“Listening to music helps.”
“If I feel anxious in the moment I find just putting a podcast on and going for a walk really helpful too.”
“Hot baths help or just standing under the shower, letting the water fall.”
“I’ve recently discovered hot bath, and if absolutely necessary a cold shower.”
“Sniffing lavender, calming and cwtching up with my favourite blanket, lets me feel safe and storm passes.”
“I’ve been cold water swimming, that helps loads.”
“Having a cuddle with my children helps a lot or the animals.”
Routine and Knowing Yourself
It’s important to know your boundaries and check in with yourself. If you’re feeling in the ‘red zone’ and your levels of anxiety feels high, then try setting achievable goals, adjusting your day to be out in nature, or anything else that might help you. Remember that what helps one person, including self care, will differ from each person.
SPW Members Added:
“It is definitely hormonal too, tracking my cycle helps me to understand why I might be feeling a certain way and don’t let it escalate.”
“Routine helps me, I often have anxiety. I don’t sit there like I used to until it passes. I have to get ready immediately, doing my makeup, listening to music or funny podcasts. Putting on bright clothes, doing my hair,taking my meds and also journaling. All things I do and then it passes.”
“In the evening i create a complete zen place in my living room- low yellow glow lighting. Diffuser with a lavender smell. Classical music, candles, weighted blanket and light hearted TV.”
“I keep a journal to log the good and bad days as a reminder that although I’m anxious I get through 100% of it all.”
“Planning ahead really helps me, getting the address of a pace well in advance, maybe even planning my route there etc.”
The Value of Exercise For Anxiety
For many single parents fitting in exercise can prove difficult, but setting a routine and building your week with exercise involved is a powerful tool for anxiety and depression. As well as looking at practical things like caffeine and alcohol intake, and how this impacts sleep.
SPW Member:
“I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. Counselling and CBT helped a little but I found regular exercise has really helped me manage it. Also I try to avoid too much alcohol and caffeine as they make things worse.”
Reduces muscle tension, reduces anxious feelings
Builds brains resources, by modulating levels of serotonin and happy hormones.
Reroutes information flow with amygdala (the brains security guard), through shifting from waiting and worrying to responding with action.
Provides distraction
Expels anxious energy positively
(Ratey J and Hagerman E (2010) How exercise will improve the performance of your brain.)
Lots of single parents have been through a lot and we know that single parents struggle with their mental health and anxiety. We want you to know that you aren’t alone and that we have lots of resources around mental health here. We see lots of examples within SPW of how single parents have flourished because of their mental health and anxiety.
SPW Member:
“I’ve used my anxiety to help others as a mental health first aid instructor and as a trainee counsellor. These bring new anxieties,but to be honest it’ll make you stronger.”