“Dear Mum/Dad, Please Stay Out Of My Room!” What Do Young People From Single Parent Households Desire In A Home?

The theme of our August big meet up was “Home”. We were interested in finding out what the concept of home meant to young people from single households, and how their experiences may impact what is important to them in a “home”. One of our young people collected the findings below.

What is a Home?

For young people from single parent households home may look different depending on their situation. They might have one home, but they could also have two, or more. They could have different people in their lives based in different places.

Maybe “home” is staying with other family members or in a house share at University. Some young people may adjust well to deviations from what is considered “home” while others may struggle, they may be less likely to have their own permanent personal space or perhaps struggle with constantly moving around and living between different places. One young person grew up and moved to university and had a place to live there, suddenly they had three “homes” and had to balance all three while feeling like none of them were truly theirs. Another young person commented that when they moved to University, it felt “good” that they slept in the same bed or months on end, as they live in two homes

Why is “Home” Important?

In Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs; shelter and security are fundamental needs to be met before other needs can be fulfilled. Without a physically and emotionally secure home young people aren’t able to fulfil their other needs. This is particularly important for young people from single parent households as they have expressed that they have a higher emotional load to manage from more complex relationships, than their peers living in coupled households.

What is Important in a Home?

We asked young people at our event what a home was to them and what was most important to them in a home. The youngest of the young people were much more literal with their definitions, defining a home as a house. One young person described a home as a  “place with four walls”. The older young people emphasised the things they found most important to make somewhere a “home” to them. In particular emphasising the importance of privacy and having a space to call their own. One young person said “I want my own room!” Many of them spoke about how they wanted their parents to stay out of their rooms and that they needed more privacy, “dear dad, please stay out of my room!”

In the human-givens therapeutic approach, privacy is one of the 9 innate human needs and there is no exception in this in young people. Here are some tips for how to make a house feel like a home for  young people living in a single parent household:

• Young people need time and space alone to process and reflect on their thoughts and experiences and not feeling able to do this could lead to undue stress.

• Knocking on doors before entering a young person's room and not entering without their consent/when they are not present could help them feel like their privacy is respected at home.

• Having lockable doors on bathrooms was another thing emphasised by the young people to ensure they have privacy.

• Having a room to themselves may not always be possible but was something that some young people expressed that they desired.

• They also mentioned wanting the ability to customise the spaces they occupied with things that represented their likes and interests. Particularly for those with multiple homes, feeling like you have a mark on the places you occupy can make them feel more homely.

A secure and happy home is essential for the wellbeing of young people. For young people from single parent households, their idea of what is “home” and what they need out of it can vary from their peers. Therefore, it is important to communicate with these young people to create the best possible “home” environment that not only meets their needs but also helps them to thrive.

This blog was written by Maria Pollard. Get involved in our young person’s project and find out more here.