Advice Around Dating Again For Single Parents
As a single parent you may wonder when you are ready to start dating again, and even where do I start? You may have been through a traumatic break up, been on your own for a while or even gone through a bereavement. Heading into the journey of dating again may seem daunting. So we wanted to tackle this and we asked our single parent members to share their advice on this hot topic.
Love Yourself First
In the words of Ru Paul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else.”
Take yourself on dates, get to know yourself, what you want and what you don’t want from a relationship. Take some time to heal and grow as a person. Learn to take good care of yourself, by yourself. Know that you are totally worthy of that self love and care. Get to the stage where you feel ‘good enough’ about yourself and comfortable that you are heading into dating with your priorities straight and with the love for yourself shining through.
“I can recommend YouTube videos by Matthew Hussey and Apollonia Ponti. First be happy within yourself and process anything from your previous relationships (not just the last one) or there is a chance you will fall into similar patterns. Set boundaries, know your standards and values and just be yourself. Have fun!”
Take Things One Step At A Time
It can feel so overwhelming about dating again. What if it ends again, what if they ghost me, what if they don’t like me? All of these thoughts can be whirling around in your head before you’ve even downloaded a dating app.
But just concentrate on each stage as it comes. Like thinking about what online dating platforms would be best for you and what things you’d like to say on your dating profile. Then concentrate on questions you’d like to ask your date and new places you’d like to visit on the date. Try not to let your mind get carried away with future plans of a long term relationship, or possible ways that it could go wrong.
“If a date is with a decent might-be-a-match sort of person, then the nerves will melt away and you’ll surprise yourself by how easily it goes. It’s more nerve-wracking beforehand! Be prepared to take things a step at a time, don’t put too much pressure on the situation, and never ever feel grateful for someone’s attention, however harshly your last relationship ended. A little flattered is ok, but not straight up grateful. View a new relationship as a bonus, not a necessity, and enjoy the excitement of possibilities!”
Be Emotionally Available
Do the behind the scenes work and self development. Start counselling, talk to friends, read those self development books and become more emotionally intelligent. Anything that will make you move forward positively and not take forward old habits and behaviours that don’t serve you well. What did you learn from that relationship that ended? What have you had to heal? You want to go into dating with an open heart and mind about the whole thing. You can be both open and have boundaries about what you have learnt and want to take forward, and being able to communicate clear boundaries to someone is very important.
“I’ve been a lone parent for almost 10 years. I knew I was ready to date again when I felt emotionally available and could openly talk about my wife if I was asked - which I always was. It was important for me not to place expectations on myself, or the person I was dating.”
Get Out There Again
Sometimes just taking the plunge will help you decide if you are ready or not. It is also a great opportunity to put into practice all of the amazing things you have hopefully learnt about yourself and what you’d like in a future partner. Being able to spot unwanted signs early is key and being ok with dating and it not working out straight away is really brave. You might not be completely ready, but being ready enough to take those first steps into dating is great.
So if you think you’re ready enough then why not ask someone out on a date, for a coffee or just get to know someone. Remember you have this new resilience that has come from being a single parent.
“To get ‘out there again’ can be the hardest part. I found just breaking the barrier and getting to know people (not just online), gave me the confidence to find what I do and don’t like. Because that definitely changes over time and life experience. Going out without expectation of it going anywhere is a good way to enjoy yourself without any pressure and learning about yourself in this ‘new’ environment, allowing you to again pursue the things you do like and avoid the things you don’t.”
“You don’t need to know you’re ready before you’re ready. Sometimes it takes the first date to know you’re not ready, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Trying to preempt when you’re ready places a lot of unnecessary pressure on oneself. How do we know we’re ready if we don’t try? I would imagine the hurdles faced by someone having left a difficult relationship are very different.”
You can head over to our Relationship section of our Resources page, for other blogs around relationships. Plus let us know your top dating tips as a single parent.