Being There For Them While Setting Healthy Boundaries - Dealing with Someone Who Has Addiction
In the last blog, we looked at how to deal with addiction and developing healthy habits. Following the same topic, I will talk a bit about how to offer support to someone you know who has an addiction and safeguarding yourself and your mental health at the same time.
There are many reasons why young people or even adults can develop addictive tendencies and habits and although it affects them more directly and can make things really hard for them; sometimes it also affects us and our relationship with them. Here are some of the things that I think you can do to support a friend, a colleague, or another young person who has an addiction.
Offering Support by Signposting
If you ever happen to come across a friend, a classmate or someone you know who is struggling with any type of addiction that we looked at in the previous blog or another type of addiction that perhaps wasn’t mentioned, it’s always good to let them know that you can help them by redirecting them to a professional or a trusted adult who can support them.
Some organisations that support young people’s mental health are -
Samaritans - They offer support through a telephonic conversation to hear you out without judgement or bias free of charge.
Platfform - They provide counseling support through call or in person to help you with your mental health.
Young Minds - They offer help to understand mental health and to find support and provide young people with tools to support their mental health.
With You - They help young people deal with alcohol and drug addiction and offer other mental health services
Bigmoose - They offer free therapy sessions on call and in person to help young people deal with their mental health.
Another way of signposting would be to suggest they have a conversation with a school counsellor or another trusted adult who can offer them help and support.
Show Them Empathy and Hear Them Out Without Judgement
Dealing with mental health alone can be a very isolating and lonely experience where some people tend to bottle up and isolate themselves from others. If you feel like you’re in a mental, emotional, and physical space where you can offer support by hearing them out, then it is worth checking in with them.
A simple “Are you okay?” Or “How are you doing today?” or “If there’s something on your mind you’d like to share then I’m here today?” can go a long way to make them feel like they can open up. They may not choose to open up the first time, but if you check in with them from time to time then they may feel seen and heard and possibly might open up to you about how they’re feeling that day.
It’s important to remember that there will always be days when you’re not feeling 100% yourself and aren’t in a mental space where you can offer them support which is absolutely normal, in these times you can request a teacher, councilor or another friend to check in with them. It’s a really nice thing to offer support to others, but we all have times when we need to take care of ourselves too.
Support Healthy Routines and Positive Habits
If you know someone who is struggling with addictive tendencies or unhealthy habits, it’s always worth encouraging them to try to work on building positive habits. Every person has their own journey and struggles but in general some healthy habits such as - mindfulness, moderate exercise, sleep hygiene, a balanced diet, a good amount of playtime, involving yourself in some art, and gratitude journaling can go a long way to help most of us find our balance.
Sometimes supporting someone on their journey to develop healthy habits can make the other person feel seen and encouraged in their journey. Some simple ways to do this are:
Offering words of encouragement and acknowledging their progress
Offering support by motivating them to get back on track if they relapse into an unhealthy habit or tendency.
Giving them time and space to adjust to their new routine and patiently offering support from time to time.
Check in with them from time to time and ask if they have been able to establish a supportive connection with a teacher, counselor or a trusted adult.
Establishing boundaries and safeguarding yourself
Offering support to someone else is a great thing to do, however, you must ensure that you take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally wellbeing while offering support. Sometimes when someone is struggling with addiction and is not in the right headspace, they can behave or act in a way that might negatively impact your well-being without even realizing it. There are some signs and behaviors to look out for and safeguard yourself such as:
Hurtful or Toxic Behavior - If someone starts being mean to you and uses bad language, gets angry or even scares you, the first thing to do is distance yourself and reach out to a trusted adult. Even though they are struggling, they should not be treating you in a way that affects your physical and emotional wellbeing poorly.
Not Respecting Personal Space - If someone reaches you at odd hours or expects you to drop what you're doing immediately and prioritize them regularly, then it's important to establish boundaries and let them know that even though you want to help, you need to prioritize certain aspects of your life as well. Forming a healthy friendship where boundaries are respected is vital to have a long lasting relationship with the other person.
Bullying - Sometimes, when people are struggling, they might take their feelings out on others and make you feel like your opinions and support is not being taken well and is having the opposite effect on them. They can seem aggressive or too bold with their words and actions, so it's important to calmly let them know that they're making you feel uncomfortable. If they still don't change their behavior, you should step away and seek help from a trusted adult.
Setting Unrealistic Expectations - If someone expects you to substitute the support that an adult or a counselor would be able to offer them, then you should let them know that you're not trained to offer that kind of support and it can potentially affect both your mental health negatively. Signposting them to a councilor, teacher, or another adult who can help them is the best thing to do.
When an Adult with Addiction Relays on You - If an adult with addiction expects you to take care of them or support them through addiction, it can be really difficult and confusing, but it's not your job to support an adult who is struggling. Services like A&A, counseling or other mental health support can be beneficial to them, but you always must protect yourself. If you feel worried or unsafe the first thing you should do is distance yourself or contact emergency services by dialing 111 or Childline services - 08001111 immediately.
Last Thoughts
Even though offering support can seem like a challenging thing to do, you should always remember that even a bit of encouragement or words of affirmation can go a long way to help someone. At the same time it is vital for you to take care of yourself and make sure that you are consistently speaking to one or more adults who can ensure that you're safe and protected while offering support to another young person. We all struggle to deal with certain aspects of life at some point, and addiction and unhealthy habits are behaviors that can be changed, so it's always best to be understanding of how different situations affect others, but also that your mental health and wellbeing is a priority and should always come first.
Written by Roy Ghoshal