Tips on How to Resettle Children Struggling with Separation and Living in 2 Houses- by single parents

As single parents, we understand that transitions between two homes can be challenging for children. Many parents in our community have shared their experiences of supporting their children through big emotions when they return from their other parent’s house. Here are some tried-and-tested tips from parents like you, to help children feel supported, safe, and settled during these times.

Rachel Brydon from Calm in the Chaos says:

“The transition can be especially tough on children, who often feel caught in the middle of their parents’ separation. However, with effort, understanding, and patience, it’s possible to maintain a strong and positive relationship with your child.”

1. Prepare Them for the Transition

Knowing what to expect can ease anxiety and provide comfort.

• “I find the kids knowing in advance what they are going to be doing when back home helps.” – SPW Member

Share a simple plan of what the day will look like when they return, such as having dinner, taking a bath, or reading a favourite book.

Make sure there is open communication between you and your child. Listen and encourage them to express any thoughts or feelings they might have. Validating and listening without judgement.

2. Give Them Space

Children often need time to reacclimatise when they return.

• “Not asking questions, giving them space to reacclimatise. Being around to offer hugs and chats if and when they want to.” – SPW Member

• “My daughter often asks to watch her iPad in her room when she first comes back and I let her go ahead as this is how she self-regulates.” – SPW Member

Create a calm, welcoming environment and let them take the lead on when they are ready to engage.

3. Maintain Familiarity

Keeping routines and spaces consistent can help children feel secure.

• “Other than tidy as you would when they are usually with you, keep their room as it was when they left.” –SPW Member

• “Good sleep and eating routines that are as identical as possible between the two houses (granted not always possible) to make sure tiredness or hunger are not issues.” – SPW Member

If possible, work with the other parent to ensure similar routines, like mealtimes and bedtime, to provide stability.

4. Allow for Decompression Time

Help your child unwind in their own way.

• “We have found that the smalls need their own space—be it a bath, a journal, or kicking a football.” – SPW Member

• “My boys are 6 and 7, and I find giving them a bath really helps them regulate when they come back.” – SPW Member

Encourage activities that help your child feel calm and centred, whether it’s a warm bath, quiet time, or physical play.

5. Offer Comfort and Connection

Reassure your child that you’re there for them, without overwhelming them. Remind them of the unconditional love you have for them.

• “At bedtime, read to them, give massages, offer comfort. Let them know you are there: Do you want to talk, do you want a hug, or do you want some advice?” –SPW Member

• “Space, quiet, PJ’s, bed, and me reading for a couple of hours while they go to sleep... normally Harry Potter.” – SPW Member

Books, cuddles, and quiet time together can be great tools to help children feel emotionally supported.

6. Transition Activities

Consider activities that create a buffer between their return and settling back into the home. This might include some quality time with your child to reconnect.

• “We would not go straight into our home. We’d go for a walk and chat about anything. After about 30–60 minutes, we’d come into the house.” – SPW Member

• “We have some reset time—this can be a walk, game, film, or cuddles.” – SPW Member

These activities can help children process their emotions and transition back into their familiar environment.

7. Be Mindful of Emotions Before Visits

Sometimes emotions can build up before leaving for the other parent’s house.

• “We have started to have some issues in the time leading up to going, with behaviour changes, unable to fall asleep, or worrying.” – SPW Member

Acknowledge these feelings and provide reassurance by talking through their concerns or practising calming techniques like deep breathing. Teach them that they have a safe space to share whatever they need to, sometimes without action being taken.

8. Use Tools and Resources

Books and educational resources can help children process their feelings.

• “Books on two houses, single parent families, and big emotions can be great tools.” – SPW Member. Check out our ideas on books in our children and young people resources page

• “Check out Emotion Coaching UK for helpful videos and tips to navigate big emotions.” – SPW Member

• Calm in the Chaos have other useful blogs around Strengthening Your Parent Child Relationship After Divorce and How to Regulate After Contact

9. Flexibility is Key

Every child is different, so be open to adapting your approach to meet their needs.

• “Be flexible about roles. Maybe you can design a role specifically for someone according to their needs.” – SPW Member

Observe what works best for your child, and don’t hesitate to try new approaches if needed.

Transitions between two homes can be tough, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, you can help your child navigate these moments more easily. Remember, it’s okay to seek support or share your experiences with others facing similar challenges.

Would you be interested in joining a workshop to explore this topic further? Let us know—we’d love to hear from you!