Blended Families; A personal perspective by Jackie Fisher

Over time many single parents become part of a blended family with all the joys and struggles that entails. Single Parents Wellbeing has embraced blended families as part of its Community and is developing projects and support activities for blended families as part of its Strategic Direction for 2026. 

Jackie Fisher, who has been a part of the leadership team in SPW from the start, shares her blended family story.

Our blended family came together 36 years ago, before the term “blended family”was invented, but of course they have existed in various forms for centuries. 

 “A blended family, also known as a stepfamily, is a family formed when two people come together and bring a child or children from previous relationships. When a blended family is formed, your children might be of the same age group or have major age differences, and you might also have a child together.”

In the past, it was most often the death of a spouse, often from illness, war or childbirth which led to blended families. Those of us that enjoy reading historical novels will know about the complexities of cultural and social expectations (for example inheritance laws) that often dictated the responsibilities of stepparents and the status of children. The complexities of blended family relationships are still with us today despite the fact that they have become more recognised as a normal and diverse family structure. I want to talk about my experience of being a parent of a blended family and how it has enriched my life.

Back in 1989 my blended family involved combining a family of two children (aged 10 and 13 years), who had experienced their parents painful relationship breakdown and separation, with three children (aged 3, 7 and 10 years), whose mother had died only 18 months previously. It all happened unexpectedly and my partner and I were floating on the euphoria of romance and the promise of new beginnings. Suffice to say there was not a lot of forethought given to the new arrangements!

Children are the innocents in family breakdown and loss, but are equally affected by the consequences with very little power to influence. This is often the same in establishing blended families. Imagine what it is like to suddenly have a new set of siblings, or feel divided over loyalties towards biological parents and stepparents. As a new step-mother I was well aware of the myth of the “wicked stepmother” and how fragile my relationship with my young step children was. In my case their maternal grandparents were (naturally) very important people in their lives and I remember the emotional challenge of building new relationships out of the emotional trauma of bereavement and family breakdown. 

Thankfully, I had some important resources in my toolbox! I was happy to be in a new loving relationship and I think that children benefit from seeing their parents happy. I felt less isolated as a couple and was able to share parenting again with my new partner. We were able to give all the children love and security and focused on sharing activities together as much as possible. In those early days I remember getting a book from the library called something like; “How to survive step-parenting”, it was full of real-life stories that gave me advice, support and reassurance. It helped me to see that developing trust and connections takes time. It is not a linear process, there are good times and not so good times! There were occasions when my empathy and compassion were stretched to the limit so I developed a personal private mantra; “I am the adult, they’re the child”. If I thought the situation was emotionally challenging and complex, imagine what it’s like for the kids! 

The mantra helped me to remember how difficult it must be for all the children to adjust to new family members, and that as an adult I was the one that needed to step up. I know that there were times when I didn’t behave as well as I should have, but that’s true of parenthood in general and we just do the best that we can. 

Thirty six years on; our family has grown to include grandchildren and step-grandchildren across a diverse range of family set ups. We all feel valued and supported within the family network. This has not come without effort, patience and understanding over time and looking back across those years, I believe that being part of a blended family has given all of us the resilience to navigate the difficult challenges that inevitably occur in our lives.