“Given your age, it’s probably just the menopause”
We chatted with Community Member Sara Wilson about her experience of the Menopause and what Mumapause means to her.
3 years ago a male doctor, very unsympathetically and not at all tactfully, announced 'given your age, its probably just the menopause!' those seven words changed so much for me, I was 46, too young in my mind to be 'going through the change' Yet as soon as those words left his mouth, I felt like I'd aged at least 10/15 years.
As a single mum of two boys aged 26 and 11, I knew that even though the idea of another baby was not a consideration, it shook me to my core. History has dictated that we as women leave our child bearing ages, we become less useful to society. Scary but true and now here I was, in that very group. Added on, was the fact that my children no longer need me like they used too and this combination of feelings was quite frankly, horrible, difficult and overwhelming. I didn't know where to turn, lots of my friends were at least 10 years younger than me and this period of their life was very far in the future.
I had been a long time lurker of SPW on Facebook but never had the confidence to get involved. Then two and a half years ago, I saw a post on their page about a menopause group. That night I decided that I was going to go. I put my name down. How bad could it be... right?
The evening came around and being someone who is very socially anxious, I made so many excuses about why not to go. My mum, one of my biggest supporters in life gave me the verbal slap I needed.... 'Menopause is crap Sara, I wish I'd had somewhere to go to talk about it!' So with that ringing in my ears, I made my way there (dad giving me a lift so I didn't chicken out!) My 11 year old son, also in the car, asked where they were taking me. I told him that I was going to meet other mums going through the menopause (I try to be as open as possible with my boys about some of the things we face as a woman) he announced that if it was mums and menopause, maybe it should be called mumapause! This made me giggle and took away a lot of my anxiety about it.
Fortunately when I got there, there was someone else opening the door to go to the same session. I walked in with her and felt slightly more confident as I did. That evening was a revelation, a group of women, none of whom looked like what society tells us menopausal women should look like. I had the best couple of hours, met some wonderful women and for the first time in a long time felt relaxed and not conscious about me and my 'menopause'
The sessions are once a month and over the last two and a half years, I have missed hardly any. The joy, acceptance, fun and confidence that I have acquired at these sessions are amazing. We laugh, joke, cry, rage and rant, all without judgement. We have an amazing woman, Sarah, an art therapist who continuously surprises us with her endless scope of imaginative themes and ideas. And these sessions are without a shadow of a doubt, one of the highlights of my month. I have made friends with this amazing, genuine, inspiring, caring and wonderful bunch of women, from every walk of life. They have made me a better person and my menopause journey easier and less lonely. They are my people and I love them.
Mumapause is run monthly across Cardiff and online. Please check out where we will be this month here.